Intolerant of the Unnecessary

I have discovered, just within the past few weeks, that I am very intolerant of things that seem unnecessary to me. My intolerance isn't discriminatory. It does not matter who is doing something I find unnecessary - it grates on me anyway.

Today - just this morning, actually - I think I figured out why I have developed this "affliction." And after reading my dear friend's post about her family's choice to educate at home, the relationships and values they want their children to develop, and how very quickly time passes, everything really pulled into focus for me. I am feeling very remorseful for the way I've become - but at the same time, I'm so grateful for the fact that I have finally figured out why I am this intolerant person. Now I need to give myself an attitude adjustment.

Why am I suddenly intolerant of the self-proclaimed unnecessary? Time. I feel so pressed for time every single day in just about everything I do, that if something seems unnecessary to complete a task - or it's something that stands in the way of my completion of a task on my time frame - I get very, very irritated. All I know is I want this done right now. Hurry up. Move. Here...just let me do it and get it over with. And at that exact moment in time, I'm not seeing the "big picture."

Does taking two more minutes in the morning to let Evan "tie" his shoes really affect the outcome of my day? Nope. In fact, taking those two minutes will do nothing but brighten my day - if for no other reason than to see the sunny smile on his face.

Does taking a few extra minutes to listen to Mikel talk about getting angry at the fact that he might have to work a day this weekend - before he deploys on Tuesday - affect how much work I'll get done? Maybe. But who cares? He's my baby...my first born...and he's deploying to Iraq on Tuesday. I should take every. single. minute. I can and enjoy him and even just the sound of his voice. And it means so much to him to know that I am really and truly listening and I really, truly care about what he's saying.

If I "lose" a few extra minutes by taking the extra time to enjoy and love my kids, my husband, my family, my friends, I can take a few extra minutes at the end of the day before I go to bed. Losing those few minutes will actually give me so much more...

I do tend to go out of my way to be as friendly - and tolerant - as I can be to people who aren't closest to me - sometimes more so than I do for those closest to me. I don't want to hurt those people's feelings. Subconsciously I probably take for granted that my loved ones will forgive me and that it's all good... and that's probably true. But hurts - even forgiven ones - leave scars. Our Savior loves us unconditionally and has forgiven us with all his heart - but he still bears the scars. But those scars aren't there to remind him...

I do think that our scars -whether emotional are physical - remind both the injured and injuring.
I certainly don't want to leave anymore scars on my cherished ones. I don't want my loves to feel pain I have inflicted, regardless of how unintentional it may be. I don't want to see the sad eyes or quivering lip or dejected downfall of shoulders or the shuffle off walk...I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night with the remembrance.

Granted, we should treat everyone with God's love and grace. But those who are our real, everlasting, true love relationships, deserve every ounce of love, grace, kindness, patience, respect...everything...we have to give. I know none of us are infallible and we will all make mistakes, make poor choices and decisions and treat even those we love badly sometimes. It can be a tough struggle and balance, as I have so abruptly realized. But I think that if we are truly aware of how valuable our love, relationships and time are, and if we do our very best to behave the way we should, our loves will see, feel and understand that and our mistakes will leave fewer and smaller scars.